


Never Argue with the Queen

by Lady_FoxFire



Series: If Things Had Been Different [3]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-19 11:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/572607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_FoxFire/pseuds/Lady_FoxFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Autobots learns a very important lesson about Earth women and why it's best not to disagree with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Three days has passed since Sam brought Jazz back from the dead and in the US Military aircraft hanger, Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and Sam watched in amusement as Ratchet put Jazz through his paces.

Jazz raced down the obstacle course that Ratchet had designed in his alt mode. He sped in and out of hazard cones, around borrowed military vehicles, transforming to jump over a stack of jersey barriers while firing at a target before transforming back into his alt mode and speeding to the finish line.

Transforming at the finish line, "How did I do, doc?" Jazz asked smugly. "Am I ready for the roads yet?"

"Your speed, agility and transforming ability are at the same level they were before you died," Ratchet reported.

"I hear a 'but' there," Jazz said as he eyed the Autobot medic.

"Your aim is off," Ratchet replied as he looked at the far end of the obstacle course where a mannequin in an orange hoodie standing just to the left of the target, half of its head was missing.

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!" Sam shouted out with a huge grin on his face.

"You bastards!" Bumblebee added in.

Optimus Prime looked down at the youngest Autobot and the new form of the Allspark; his confusion was evident in his stare.

"South Park," Sam replied simply with a shrug of his shoulders.

"And thank you peanut gallery," Jazz grumbled as he glared evilly at the mannequin.

"Glad to be of service," Sam replied as Bumblebee waved happily while Optimus shook his head either at the actions of the two next to him or at what he discovered about South Park.

"I want to run a full battery of tests," Ratchet said. "We need to determine if the source of the problems isn't in one of your higher functions instead of your targeting program."

Jazz groaned, "Come one Doc, everything reads in a green. Maybe the sights on my gun need adjustment," he suggested.

"Jazz let me explain this to you in the simplest of terms," Ratchet said. "You are the first Cybertronian to **ever** come back from the dead. We have no idea what effect that may have on you."

"Ratchet's right, Jazz," Bumblebee spoke up. "We wouldn't want you to pull a Pet Cemetery."

"He could pull a Night of the Living Dead," Sam suggested to Bee.

"Yeah but would he want to eat human brains or Cybertronian brains?" Bumblebee asked.

"Well technically in the movie they ate human flesh so if he wanted to eat something it would be your body," Sam commented. "Now if he was interested only in your brain he would be pulling a Night of the Creeps."

All the Autobots in the hanger stopped to access the Internet to find the movie.

"Ironhide would hate that movie," Jazz commented with a chuckle. "He hates slimy creatures like that since he was swallowed by one on some backwater world."

"Oh I remember that," Ratchet said with a shake of his head. "I spent 2 Earth weeks cleaning the gunk out of his system."

"It was like in the movie M.I.B when Agent K blasted himself out of the alien cockroach," Bumblebee explained to Sam.

"Well I hope he didn't demand the slug eat him after it ate his gun like Agent K did," Sam commented. 

Only when none of the Autobots responded to Sam's comment and spent their time silently looking anywhere but at him did Sam realize the truth. 

"No way!" Sam exclaimed his eyes wide with disbelief.

"You have to understand Sam." Optimus said very seriously, "Ironhide… really loves that gun."

Sam stared up at the Autobot leader with a gobsmacked expression before he shook his head. "Ah man," he chuckled at Prime's movie reference. "I didn't know you had it in you Optimus."

"I am a bot of many hidden talents, Sam," Optimus replied.

It was at this time that the one of the doors at the far end of the hanger opened and Ironhide drove in with Captain Lennox at the wheel.

"Speak of the Devil and he shall arrive," Sam announced, grinning like a demon.

Captain Lennox climbed out of Ironhide, immediately noticing something was amiss. "This is not good," he said to himself. "And who killed Kenny?"

"Ah man," Jazz groaned as he crossed his arms over his chest plates.

"So what happened," Ironhide asked after he transformed, "were you kicked out of the Matrix?"

"Too bad for heaven and hell was afraid he would take over," Lennox commented.

"Funny," Jazz said.

"I try," Lennox replied with an 'eat-shit' grin. "So how did you come back from the dead? Last I saw you, you were in two pieces."

"Blame the kid," Jazz replied with a nod of his head towards Sam.

Sam shrugged his shoulders at Ironhide and Lennox's questioning stare. "What can I say? I always wanted to raise a zombie."

"Didn't turn out like you expected," Lennox replied.

"Nope. Too much personality and really bad aim," Sam replied with a glance down at the mannequin.

"Hmmm," Lennox nodded his head in understanding. "You used Worshershire sauce didn't you.”

"Yeah. I know I'm not supposed to use it as embalming fluid but they didn't list anything about not using it in replace of enegerion," Sam commented with a straight face.

Ironhide look back and forth between the two humans. "What?"

"It's a reference to a show called South Park, Ironhide," the Autobot leader supplied. "Human ideas of humor."

"Hey at least I didn't say I put one of the Creeps in Jazz's brain," Sam grumbled.

"Creeps?" Lennox asked.

"Night of the Creeps," Bumblebee replied with glee, his optics trained on Ironhide. "It's a human movie."

A massive shiver ran down Ironhide's frame, telling everyone who know the movie reference that Ironhide had located information about it on the World Wide Web.

"That is vile," Ironhide snarled.

Lennox looked back and forth between Ironhide and the other Autobots. "Good movie?"

"Great movie," Sam replied smugly as keep an eye on Ironhide. "Definitely a **must** rent."

"You do and I'll let your sparkling watch Barney," Ironhide snarled at Lennox.

Lennox looked up at Ironhide in disbelief. "Are you sure you're not a Decepticon?"

"Just because I'm an Autobot doesn't mean I don't know how to play by Decepticon rules," Ironhide snarled.

"Okay. Okay," Lennox said raising his hands up in surrender. "I'm just wanted to know what this movie has you all riled up about."

"Slugs," everyone but Ironhide answered at once.

"Slugs?" Lennox replied as he looked up at his almost bashful partner. "Better not let Sarah find out about it."

"Trust me I don't plan on it," Ironhide replied as he charged up his cannons. "And she better not learn it from anyone."

"Ironhide," Prime said in a chastising tone.

Ironhide grumbled softly as he deactivated his cannons.

Optimus chuckled softly. "So what business brings you here today? I was under the impression that neither of you would be back until the end of next week."

"Yeah. Well something came up," Captain Lennox said as he shifted nervously under Prime's gazed.

"And would that be?"

Lennox glanced up at Ironhide before turning his attention back to the Autobot leader. "Well it's kind of complicated but its… umm… well my wife Sarah… well she decided that Sam should come and live with us until you have a more permanent base."

Those gathered in the temporary base with the exception of Ironhide stared Lennox in confusion.

"Ironhide?" Prime said turning to his weapon specialists.

"It's how Captain Lennox reports, Prime," Ironhide reported. "Sarah Lennox has ordered us to bring Sam to their home."

"Why?"

Ironhide looked down at Lennox who in turned looked up at Ironhide.

Lennox ran a hand over his military hair cut. "Well… you know when Ratchet was relaying Sam and Bumblebee's blowout to everyone. Well Ironhide had me listen in and Sarah kind of overheard everything."

"He had you listening in?" Sam spoke up, his feeling of betrayal evident in his voice.

"It was necessary for Captain Lennox to be allowed to hear what was going on. I wanted human input on boy’s emotions since the boy kept refusing to come to us with his problems,” Ironhide defended his actions. “How was I to know that female would behave in such a manner?"

"I see," Prime replied. "And I assumed that you explained to Sarah Lennox why that was not possible?"

"Yes, sir," Ironhide said as he snuffled in place guiltily. "However Sarah was very insistent that we find a way to allow Sam to live with the Lennox and the Captain believe he has a solution."

Optimus looked down at Lennox. "Captain Lennox, you do understand it would not be safe for Sam to live with your family. When the Decepticons discover that Sam has the power of the Allspark they **will** come after him. The Decepticons will stop at nothing to possess him."

"Yes sir, I know and so does Sarah but we think we might have found a way to do it and actual protect my family and Sam more than they are now," Lennox replied. "My home is about 45 minutes from Cheyenne Mountain facility. Ironhide said he can get there in less than 20 minutes by road and a little more than ten minutes if he goes off road."

"It's a very interesting base," Prime said after access the World Wide Web and learning about the military base.

"Yes it is. A Decepticon would have to tear apart a mountain to get to Sam once he's inside of it. Defense Secretary Keller has already granted Sam and anyone with him access to the base if they need it," Lennox explained. "He also mentioned that if it becomes necessary that they can safely evac Sam from the mountain but he didn't say how."

"You have to admit Prime that the Lennox household would be better suited to take care of Sam than we are at the moment," Jazz pointed out.

"How would Sam and your family be better protected at your residence, Captain Lennox," Ratchet inquired. "I'm assuming the access to Cheyenne Mountain is not the only reason you feel this way."

"You're right. Our plan also depends on Bumblebee being assigned to protect Sam," Lennox explained. "Ironhide has complained more than once that he doesn't like to leave Sarah and Annabelle unguarded when I have to report to the base."

"I see however at this time I think it would be best if Sam remain here," Prime decided, "at least until there are more Autobots present."

Lennox looked up at Ironhide as Ironhide looked down at Lennox.

"She'll do it," Lennox answered Ironhide's unasked question.

Ironhide let out a very human sounding sigh. "You might want to reconsider that Optimus," Ironhide announce. "Sarah Lennox does have a back up plan."

"And what is her back up plan?" Prime asked.

Lennox sighed wearily; his shoulders slumped in defeat. "She said that if Sam can't live with us then we'll live with him. She plans to pack up what she needs and move in here with Annabelle," he explained.

"This is no place for a sparkling, especially for such a small one like Annabelle," Ironhide grumbled.

"Can't you tell your female no?" Jazz asked. "I have found many references on the Internet saying that the woman is weaker than the man and therefore he must guide her and force her to obey when she is being willful."

Captain Lennox and Sam stared at Jazz in shock.

"Ratchet?" Lennox said very softly as he recovered from his shock.

"Yes Captain Lennox?" Ratchet replied.

"If I bring you most of the parts, you think you'll be able to put Jazz back together after Sarah tears him apart?"

Sam let out a snort. "Screw that! You'll be lucky to find any parts if Mikaela or Maggie finds out what he said. Hell, my mom would gleefully turn him into some type of modern art that makes toast."

"Got to love strong women," Lennox remarked.

"Or run away very far and very fast."

"So no telling a human female no?" Jazz asked.

"No you can tell her no and she might even listen to you if you can give a good reason," Lennox said.

"Of course she might bring out her secret weapon and have you caving in to her demands in seconds."

"Secret weapon?" Prime asked his concern evident in his voice at the thought that the humans had a weapon the Autobots did not know of.

"Yeap," Lennox replied with a smirk. "A weapon that no real man or Autobot has any defense against."

Ironhide cross his arms over his chest plates. "I still say your female is evil especially to involve a sparkling in her plans."

Ratchet started to scan on Ironhide for damages. "I do not detected any damages," he reported. "The weapon the female was using must not be very effective against us."

Lennox chucked, "Oh it's effective Ratchet. Very effective."

Ironhide let out a noise that sounded very similar to a human snort. "You should have warned me of her weapon," he snarled. 

"When on Earth it's every man for himself when it comes to women," Lennox explained.

"Unless you're pointing out a hot girl or helping a guy obtain every guy’s ultimate dream," Sam commented.

"And what is that?" Optimus inquired.

"We'll tale you when you're older," Sam replied.

If it were possible for the Autobots to have a gobsmacked expression this would’ve been the moment for it to appear.

"So the choices are I either move in with you and your family or you're moving in with me?" Sam said.

Lennox shoved his hands into his pants pockets. "Pretty much."

"Couch or bed?"

"Spare bedroom. Right now I'm on the couch," Lennox replied.

"You said no?"

"Not exactly," Lennox grumbled. "I kind of pointed out all the dangers involved with you moving and she didn't like my negative attitude. So until you move in or we move here I'm stuck on the couch."

"Damn," Sam said simply as he shook his head.

"Yeah. I plan on replacing that couch as soon as this over," Lennox said as he rubbed the small of his back.

Sam shook his head once again. "Can she cook?"

"Her spaghetti is to die for but the rest is hit or miss," Lennox replied. "But it's better than M.R.E."

"Cardboard is better than M.R.E."

"Won't deny that."

"Right," Sam said simply before turning and walking away.

"Sam?" Bumblebee called out. "Where are you going?"

"To pack. There is no way I'm passing up home cooked meals and a real bed."

"Sam I do not think this is the best thing for you to do," Prime said. "Not only do you endanger Captain Lennox's family but yourself and the Allspark."

Sam stopped in his tracks. "Prime remember when I told you there would be day when I would be a bastard well this is me being selfish." 

Sam turned and looked at the Autobot leader. "Tell me Prime who is it your fear? Do you think that Bumblebee and Ironhide won't be able to handle a Decepticon or will be unable to get us to that military base in time? Or is it the humans you fear? Do you fear that they will try to kidnap me or use those I grow close to control me?"

"Yes," Optimus said admitting his fear. "While I know there are good humans such as the Lennox and his people, I also know that there are humans who would do whatever they feel is necessary to gain control of you or through you control us. I also fear what would happen if one of my men was forced to harm or kill a human in order to protect you."

"Optimus," Lennox said as he step forward, "I promise you I will do everything in my power to protect Sam and to make sure your men is never in that position in which they would have to kill a human."

"And you have your mate and child to protect, Captain Lennox," Prime countered.

"You do realize that all of you are forgetting something very important," Sam said.

All eyes turn towards Sam. "And what would that be, kid," Jazz asked.

"Me," Sam replied as his eyes started to glow and energy crackled around his fingers.


	2. Chapter 2

Dusk was falling as black GMC Topkick truck and yellow Camaro turned on to the private road that lead to the Lennox family home.

A tall blond woman with a child balanced on her hip stepped out of the house as the vehicles came to a stop.

The driver side door of the Topkick opened and Captain Lennox stepped out. His face broke out into a huge smile at the sight of his wife and daughter. "Your knights have returned, my Queen," he crowed, "and we bring guests."

Sarah Lennox chuckled at her husband's antics. "I see," she replied her eyes sparkling with amusement. "So you were able to convince the good King Optimus to grant us the use of these two brave knights." Sarah nodded at Bumblebee and Sam.

"Alas it was his fear of you my Warrior Queen and the battle cry of the little Princess that allowed me to sway him into granting your demand," Lennox said as he bowed to his wife.

Sam was standing half in Bumblebee and half out as he watched Will and his wife continue on; his eyes were filled with confusion and a little bit of fear.

"Bee," Sam said softly.

"Yes, Sam?"

"I think the Allspark did something to my brain," Sam said his voice carrying a trace of fear. "Captain Lennox is sounding like something out of a bad Xena does Robin Hood movie."

"Sorry to disappoint you Sam but they're always like this," Ironhide said with a sigh as he rocked back on his tires. " You'll get used to them after a time."

"We're not always like this," Will said after hearing what Ironhide just said.

"No. No you're not," Ironhide agreed. "Sometime you're worse."

"You're just jealous," Sarah said with a teasing hint to her voice, "because we're in a romantic comedy and you're stuck in a soap opera."

"Soap opera?" Lennox said as he turned to his wife in confusion, only to have his daughter handed to him.

"Of course," Sarah said proudly. "You have family fighting family. Missing bad guys who reappear suddenly and threaten everyone. Beloved characters returning from the dead. Evil twins from what Ironhide has told me about the Twins. About the only thing you don't have is bed hopping or do you?"

Ironhide let out a sigh. "I hate that woman," he grumbled to himself.

"I don't know," Will said, scratching his head, "that sounds more like a Shakespearean drama than a soap opera. More like Hamlet."

"So does that make us Romeo and Juliet?" Sarah asked as she batted her eyes at her husband

Lennox snorted in disgust. "No. We're much too smart to those idiots! I think we're more Robin Hood and Maid Marian with Ironhide as Little John."

"In tights?" Sarah teased.

"Tight tights," Bumblebee chimed in with a clip of the sound from the movie.

"Oh, he's going to fit right in with our band of Merry Men," Sarah giggled as she walked over to Bumblebee and Sam. "But who shall you be? You can't be Will Scarlet since you're yellow. Friar Tuck, perhaps?"

"I'm Allan-a-Dale, a minstrel," a sound clip from Disney's animated movie Robin Hood came from Bumblebee's speakers.

Sarah let out a laugh that seemed to be full of life. "And who should you be, Sam?" she asked as she turned her attention to young man.

"I don't know," Sam replied with a shrug as unconsciously pulled on the long sleeves of his shirt as if to hide the metal swirls that now covered his body.

Sarah stared thoughtful at Sam. "You're not Friar Tuck. Perhaps Will Scarlet," she said to herself.

It was as Sarah was mumbling the list of Robin Hood characters that little Annabelle sneezed all over her father.

"Bless you honey," Sarah said as she looked over her shoulder at her daughter and husband who was wiping snort from his cheek, "and you're absolutely correct he'll make a perfect Ahchoo."

"Ahchoo?" Sam said in disbelief.

"Bless you," Sarah replied. "He's the son of Asneeze, who was in prison with Robin. Ahchoo is an exchange student in England."

"Right," Sam said slowly as he nodded his head while back away from Sarah.

"Now that all that’s been decided, how about you human unpack us," Ironhide grumbled. "I would like to stand up and stretch my legs."

"Grumpy Gus isn't he," Sarah said as she shot the Topkick a look.

"It won't take us long to unload them," Will said as he handed his daughter off to her mother. "There isn't much, mostly camping equipment stuff."

"Well we're just going to have to change that," Sarah stated as she bounced Annabelle in her arms. "Well while you do that I'll put the water on to boil. We're having spaghetti tonight. How does that sound Sam?"

Sam looked over at Captain Lennox for help, who nodded his head. "That sounds fine Mrs. Lennox."

"Sarah, Sam. Call me Sarah," she replied with a smile. "Every time I hear Mrs. Lennox I start to look around for Will's mother."

Sam nodded his head. "Spaghetti would be fair, Sarah," Sam said. "Will did say you made spaghetti that is to die for."

Sarah looked over at her husband with a loving smiling. 

"Well it's true," Will said as he lifted out a box from Ironhide's bed.

Sarah's smile seemed to grow bigger. "Come on honey, lets go burn some water." She said as she walked towards the house

"Sam," Bumblebee said.

"Yeah Bee," Sam replied as he pulled his duffel bag from Bumblebee's trunk.

"How do you burn water?" the Autobot scout asked.

Sam shook his head. "You can't Bee," he replied. 

"Sarah can," both Ironhide and Will said at once.

Sam looked at Lennox and Ironhide with wide eyes before he shook his head in disbelief.

Will chuckled softly at Sam's expression. "Come on," he said as he started for the house, "I'll show you were you can stow your stuff."

 

~*~

 

Sam leaned up against one of the posts holding up the porch roof and stared out into the night sky. 

The squeal of screen door opening announced the fact that someone was joining Sam in his solitude.

"Sarah said that dinner will be ready in half hour," Captain Lennox said as he leaned on the post next to the one Sam was leaning against.

"Ok. Thanks," Sam replied without even glancing over at the older man as he continued to stare into the night sky. 

"Ironhide probably showing Bee around," Will said as he glanced over to where Ironhide normally resided at night.

"They're out there," Sam said as he pointed in a direction north of the home. "About five miles away."

Lennox raised an eyebrow at Sam's statement. "You seem pretty sure about that."

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "I can feel Bee. I can feel Ironhide too, just not as strongly as I can feel Bee."

Will nodded his head as he allowed the night sounds to fill the awkward silence that came up between them due to Sam's newest revelation.

Will cleared his throat noisily. "So, is the room alright?"

Sam straightened up and looked over at Lennox. "Yeah it's great," he answered nervously as he ran this hand through his hair. "It's going to be strange to sleep in a bed again."

"Yeah I know how that is," Lennox replied with a smirk. "That was one of things I missed while in Qatar. That and anything that wasn't an M.R.E." 

Sam chuckled. "Yeah those things ain't… very tasty."

With a snort, Lennox said, "why do you think they're also known as Meals Rejected by the Enemies."

"That I can believe," Sam chuckled at the shared joke. 

A more comfortable silence fell once again between the men as the music of the night filled the air.

"Choo! Choo! Open wide. Here comes the train!"

The two men turned as one and looked towards the screen door through which the sounds of Sarah feeding Annabelle could be heard.

"Your wife sure is something," Sam smiled fondly at the sounds of the happily family.

"Yeah. I really lucked out the day I met her," Lennox replied. "She was working at a diner near the base I was stationed at. Every time I was allowed off base, I would go there and try to work up the nerve to ask her out. I drank a lot of coffee during that time. In the end it was the Commander McCormick's wife who helped me get a date with Sarah."

"How did she do that?"

"You have to understand she was a very commanding woman, so when she orders you to do something you do it. Mrs. McCormick had me put my dress uniform on and then marched me over to the diner. I had to stand there while she asked Sarah for a date on my behalf."

"That had to be embarrassing," Sam commented with a chuckle.

"I had a date with Sarah. At that point **nothing** mattered," Will replied. "It was Mrs. McCormick's idea that I asked Sarah to marry me at a Ren Faire .She said it was the most romantic place she could think of. Sarah had honor guards, knights, the whole works. The King of the faire had to hear my petion to ask for Sarah's hand before I could ask her and this was in front of everyone."

"Talk about nerve-wracking," Sam commented. "So I'm assuming that’s where your unusual greeting comes from?"

"Partly," Lennox replied as some color appeared in his cheeks. "Sarah says if we're going to be an embarrassment for Annabelle later in life we might want to get in practice now."

Sam shook his head. "Dude you need more practice. My parents are the masters of embarrassing me."

"Oh really?" Lennox said his tone of voice betraying his interest.

"Mikaela was helping me find my great grandfather's glass for the Autobots while they were outside and when the power went out my parents decided to check on me," Sam told him.

"And they found you with a girl in your room," Lennox replied.

"Not exactly," Sam replied his face growing bright red. "At the time they thought I was having some private time. My mom called it Sam's Happy Time"

"With Mikaela in the room," Lennox chuckled.

Sam nodded his head. "And the Autobots outside."

With a snort, Lennox said, "You're right your parents are masters."

Sam nodded his head; a small smile of pride graced his lips.

"They're doing ok, you know" Lennox said. "Your parents, I mean. Mikaela keeps me informed about how they're doing. She says they're doing ok, still grieving but they're not letting it consume them."

Sam nodded his head then turned and looked up at the heaven above. "I knew they would. That’s one thing about my family, no matter what life gives us we're never one to give up. So tell me Will, what's the real reason for me being here?" 

"I was wondering when you would ask that," Will commented.

Sam raised a single eyebrow, "And?"

"You needed it," Lennox replied simply.

Sam turned and faced Lennox, his arms crossed over his chest. "I needed it?"

Lennox nodded his head. "You need someplace to escape to. Someplace were you weren't being studied and tested every five minutes. Where you didn't have to worry about anything but being yourself." Will said as he ran a hand through his hair. "If you continued on like you were, hiding your problems, you’d come to regret everything, to hate the Autobots."

Turning away from Lennox and the concern that was evident in his eyes, Sam stared out into the darkness. 

"Dinner's ready," Sarah's voice could be hear from the kitchen.

"Come on lets get something to eat," Will said.

Sam nodded his head as he turned away from the night.

"Oh there was one other reason I asked you to come here," Lennox said as he pulled open the screen door.

Sam looked at the older man suspiciously. "Yeah and what's that?"

"Have you ever changed a diaper?"


End file.
